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jb82904
Just an update on the boy process...

* We met to talk. We (well, he) decided that after speaking with his pastor, it is best if we "want to spend our lives together" that we should refocus, take things slowly, and start over as friends with intentions of developing an even more intimate relationship than before. All this stemmed from us being both so stressed that we began fighting daily for two months and really this probably was best for both of us. Too much stress to deal with.

* Luckily for him, he told me that he has been so hurt by my actions that the only "second chance" he had left was starting over as friends.

* He assured me he loved me, wasn't trying to lead me on or let me down gently, would not be dating anyone else and wanted this to work. He also said he felt like this is the only way it would work.

* "Friends" to him meant brand new, start over seeing each other (ie talking a couple times a week, hanging out a couple times a week, no kissing, no "I love you"). He told me the next time we kissed he wanted it to be like the first time. Whatever.

* I called him one day and he did not return my phone call, so I gave up. The next night before bed he called to "say hi and return my call from yesterday"...but he did that for 45 minutes...so I don't guess he was just returning my call after all. :)

* I've decided to leave him alone and let him come to me. If he means he loves me and wants to make it work, then he can pursue me again. I did NOT cry today for the first time in a week and a half! It sucks not knowing what he's doing or if he's thinking of me, but he will eventually come around and I can feel more comfortable at the time. For now...I'm just buying Vera and waiting this out!

Thanks for the read!!
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I am more confused today than yesterday. Today at work I found out that a long time acquaintance had been killed in a tragic car accident leaving only one half of the vehicle left to be recognized. Last week I had a dirty sharps injury at work and had to go through the HIV testing process. Thankfully everything (well, for now) has turned out okay with that. Then to top things off, I'm still dealing with this break  from the love of my life. I texted him today to tell him the news of what happened, and he called, supported and encouraged me and told me he would call again when he got off of work to talk about it some more. Strangely he hasn't called, even though he knows how upset I was today. Explain this to me someone? What in the world? I know I haven't been an angel, but how long does someone have to be sorry and apologize, etc etc until they are given another chance...really. This is beginning to hurt my feelings. I understand needing a break from someone who has hurt you for a while, but why make someone you love suffer?
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Today I officially don't understand the world. My long term BF and I are taking a "break" and I have NO IDEA why. He threw this on me out of the blue without any warning or communication. He is a wonderful guy, excellent catch, and we have been looking at engagement rings for crying out loud. Now he needs some time to think, and I'm a complete wreck. He said "I love you and still want to speak with you on the phone, I just need a few hangout-free days to do some thinking about us and get my head straight." That sounds well and good except that he hasn't communicated with me yet. It has only been one day, but still I'm hurt and confused. My plan is to not think about it, busy myself with school work and hanging out with friends, and hope that in a few days everything will be alright. If not, I'll probably just pass out. I don't deal well with adversity!

Current Mood: confused confused

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